(إن الله لا يستحيي من الحق)
Allah is not too shy to tell the truth.
Saydna Abu Huraira رضیﷲ عنه narrates that the Prophet Mohammad ﷺ said:
إِذَا دَعَا الرَّجُلُ امْرَأَتَهُ إِلَى فِرَاشِهِ فَلَمْ تَأْتِهِ فَبَاتَ غَضْبَانَ عَلَيْهَا لَعَنَتْهَا الْمَلاَئِكَةُ حَتَّى تُصْبِحَ
When a man invites his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he (the husband) spends the sight being angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
[Muttafqun Alah]
Imam Ibn Hajar رحمہ اللہ said regarding this hadith in Fath al Bari 9/295
وَأَمَّا حَدِيثُ الْبَابِ فَلَيْسَ فِيهِ إِلَّا أَنَّ الْمَلَائِكَةَ تَفْعَلُ ذَلِكَ وَلَا يَلْزَمُ مِنْهُ جَوَازُهُ عَلَى الْإِطْلَاقِ
As far as this hadith concerned in this chapter except the Angels curse and it doesn't prove that a man should force/harm her.
Ikramah reported: Ibn Abbas رضیﷲ عنه, said
مَا أُحِبُّ أَنْ أَسْتَنْظِفَ جَمِيعَ حَقِّي عَلَيْهَا لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى ذِكْرُهُ يَقُولُ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ
I do not like to invoke all of my rights over my wife due to the saying of Allah, And for men is a degree over them.” (2:228)
Imam Tabari رحمہ اللہ said.
مَا قَالَهُ ابْنُ عَبَّاسٍ وَهُوَ أَنَّ الدَّرَجَةَ الَّتِي ذَكَرَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى ذِكْرُهُ فِي هَذَا الْمَوْضِعِ الصَّفْحُ مِنَ الرَّجُلِ لِامْرَأَتِهِ عَنْ بَعْضِ الْوَاجِبِ عَلَيْهَا وَإِغْضَاؤُهُ لَهَا عَنْهُ وَأَدَاءُ كُلِّ الْوَاجِبِ لَهَا عَلَيْهِ
What Ibn Abbas رضیﷲ عنه said is the degree which Allah mentioned in this verse is that a man should excuse his wife from some of her obligations, he should be lenient regarding his rights over her, and he must fulfill all of his obligations toward her.
[Tafsir at Tabari 4776 under the verse 228 of Baqarah]
Imam al Fuqaha, Imam Shafi'i رحمہ اللہ said:
فَأَمَّا الْجِمَاعُ فَمَوْضِعُ تَلَذُّذٍ وَلَا يُجْبَرُ أَحَدٌ عَلَيْهِ
As for sexual intercourse, then it is one of pleasure and no one can be forced into it (la yujbaru ahadun ‘alayhi).
[Kitab all-Umm 5/203]
Imam Bahuti رحمہ اللہ writes:
وَلِلزَّوْجِ الِاسْتِمْتَاعُ بِزَوْجَتِهِ كُلَّ وَقْتٍ عَلَى أَيِّ صِفَةٍ كَانَتْ … مَا لَمْ يُشْغِلْهَا عَنْ الْفَرَائِضِ أَوْ يَضُرُّهَا فَلَيْسَ لَهُ الِاسْتِمْتَاعُ بِهَا إذَنْ لِأَنَّ ذَلِكَ لَيْسَ مِنْ الْمُعَاشَرَةِ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَحَيْثُ لَمْ يَشْغَلْهَا عَنْ ذَلِكَ وَلَمْ يَضُرُّهَا فَلَهُ الِاسْتِمْتَاعُ
It is the right of a husband to enjoy his wife at any time no matter her condition… as long as he does not distract her from her obligations or harm her. In that case, he may not enjoy her since that is not living with her honorably. If he does not distract her from those duties or harm her, then he may enjoy her.
[Kashashaf al Qina 5/188]
Imam Nawawi رحمہ اللہ states this general principle:
فان كان يمكن جماعها من غير ضرر بها كان له ذلك وان كان لا يمكن جماعها الا بالاضرار بها لم يجز له جماعها
If it is possible to have intercourse with her without harming her, he may do that. If it is not possible for him to have intercourse with her except by harming her, he does not have permission to have intercourse with her.
